glenda is not a good witch

Portion of email from my buddy miso:
good news for miso....smelly old guy downstairs is moving
out...hurray!!!! no more gangster movies at full blast at 3 am
scaring me out of bed because i hear gunfire, no more stolen bikes, no
more feral cats on the porch, no more pisshead 9 yr olds knocking on
my door at all hours, and no more checking to see if the old guy with
pneumonia and diabetes is dead to avoid dead old guy stench from
drifting through the heat ducts!!! hurray!!!!

my reply:
yay departure of crazy old guy.. maybe you'll have a rock band move in down stairs or some crazy old lady that thinks you are her daughter even though her daughter died from choking on a trisket when she was six and anyway because she thinks youa re her daughter she leaves everything she owns to you which is surprisingly rather substantial.. you see she is the widow of the guy who invented midol (and god knows what a necessity that is to our society) and regardless of many male's refusal to gointo a red apple or stewarts to pick it up for their current sex bunny or female acquaintance the product has sold quite well over the years not to mentionthe fact that the old lady is rather crazy, having lived through the depression and all and being forced to lick lead based wall paint for simple sustenance which wall paint is rather high in surprisingly primarily due to the shear amount of insect fecal matter that accumulates on them, especially during the depression where vacuums were but a distant dream.
ah dream dream dream..
alas she is crazy and lives on a diet of trisket and peanut butter and is known to gnaw down two or three civil war figurines (you see, they are made out of lead and i guess all those years of chewing baseboards created some long strange addiction) a day.
pooooor glenda, you see her name is glenda which was a major kick in the head when the wizard of oz first be came popular you see.. because she wasn't a mean person but in no means was good (sexually, she was a hellcat, even in old age having done the horizontal mambo with the entire buena vista social club and a bit of in the bed disco with the beegees immediately after the gogos... (she has a weird perversion with repetition and rhyming.. Don't ask me she's crazy)) so when the wizard of oz came out all her acquaintances and parole officers began to refer to her as "Good Witch Gelenda" and boy that pissed her off.. well it wasn't her fault but the parole officer did have it coming, he did call her G Witchie Poo, and he did get to see his internal organs become external which once again, he did deserve. Alas while in court for suspected murder which of course could not be proved as the jury was made of complete morons and glenda (at one time before gravity took over (which was probably around the time that she got Rush Limbaugh addicted to pain killers in response to a rather intimate injury from an intimate position that no one of their age should be video taped in) had a huge rack) while leaving the courthouse started making out with a guy in the hallway because he wore a name tag that said Hello my Name is {heart}... she thought hat was cool and he was wearing a rather thick layer of carmex and she was not and her lips were dry and incidentally did i mention that he invented midol? well he is dead now and she is not but she is abit crazy and is moving in below you so that will be great because when she kicks off due to a rather unfortunate event involving singing in the rain you will assume all of her assets and finally get a chance to sleep for an entire night without worrying if there is someone in your closet (because you've hired Hugo the large Trinadadian immigant to watch the door .. at least thats what you think he is doing.. he doesnt speak much english but he does walk around with out a shirt on a lot and that gives you pleanty of opportunity to chuckle inwardly at his disformed third nipple which has an uncanny resemblance to the State of Idaho.. which makes you laugh more... idaho... i da ho.. hahahah)
well good luck with glenda and hugo and Hello My name is {heart}.. please dont forget me in yoru new found glory
--m

no i don't do drugs