Time of Death: 6:20

well tonight ended up being one of the scariest and simultaneously most disappointing nights of my life.
I had promised my parents i would return to upstate ny for the thanksgiving holiday. while waiting for the appropriate time to leave i started watching some recorded standup. while watching one of these i was surfing the internet and happened to glance back up to the TV during a commercial for "Lego Starwars II" and saw the following:
"Time of Death: 6:20"
well shit.
that time happens to be about midway through my drive to my parents place.
my car's been acting up.
i slept from 5:30am-7:45am last night and woke up with twin hangovers due to my therapists (cigarettes and bourbon)
seemed like this was a viable omen.
well so i'm driving up, less than an hour out of my place in jersey and i started considering my death...
what are the chances that i would be killed instantly? in my mind, slim.. chances are i would be gravely injured during a car accident and i would bleed out in the ambulance or possibly waiting for medical attention.
thus there was no point in waiting til 6:20 to get worried. i should be ready for my impending doom for the entire tiem upto 6:20
well what if my watch is wrong?
well we will go to 6:30 just to be safe...
well to make a couple hours of torture short, 6:30 hit and i was still on I87 N.
alive
My thoughts:
"Yay I'm Alive!"
"Booo, that would have been so cool if i called my own Time of Death"
"oh shit. 6:20 happens twice a day, every day... i hope i don't get short of breath every time i notice this horrid time"
well, i'm alive. c'est la vie. next tiem i call my own death i'll wait for at least two signs before i publish it.

jim beam's view on modern football

so i'll apologize in advance.
i'm a fucking sheet away from being in the wind..
i've finished (what i woudl estimate as) two thirds a bottle of JB and have no illusions about my lucidity.
but i'm watching tonights modnay night game (i spent the time it was on watching season two of the weeds which is fucking unbelieveable and i hightly suggest you download/buy it now. really fucking good) and i am realizing who owtdated football is...
spot of the ball, officiating... there is no excuse for it to be in this state.
i know ive discussed this with the psuedo yuppie and lytri before but how can they still argue about where the spot of the ballshould be? put a fucking rfid chip in the fucker and see where it hit the ground or combined with replay figure out where the ball was (to the milifuckingmeter) at teh tiem teh player was down...
and fuck thsi ON THE FIELD OFFICATING... put the refs and umpire up in a fucking booth and have them reviewing every fucking play within seconds of the completion... why depend on realtime human error? god it pisses me off...
there is NO FUCKING REASON...
there are more but jim is taking my concentration so CHEERS ALL...
i have a bit of woodford reserve calling my name

good eats

ahhh what an alton brown day.
i should have built giant models to show how emulsification works...
or hired models to emulsify together in my kitchen...
it's okay.. i'm not even sure what that means...
so getting back to explaining the title...
i bought a couple pumpkins a couple weeks ago to carve for Halloween.. well, like most projects recently, they sat in the corner until i forgot about them. while pretending to clean this morning (thus justifying any other lack of action this weekend) i found the previously mentioned pumpkins. no reason to make them in to scary scary things at this point right? lets make them into food.
so i halved and baked one of them (producing about 1/2 gallons of pumpkin puree)

Foodstuff 1) of course the first thought was pumpkin pie.. after glancing around for recipes i discovered i actually didn't have any of the ingredients besides pumpkin and sugar... so i went for pumpkin bread. i found a website that had a bread recipe (from which i stole the dry/liquid ratios) and threw the shit in the breadmaker. (yes, i did put bourbon in it).. i also forgot to put baking soda or baking powder in it initially but remembered about 20 minutes into the cycle.
End Product Rating: 4.5/5 stars

Foodstuff 2) i had pumpkin seeds left over from the halving of the pumpkins so i took those littel fuckers and fired there asses in canola oil in my wok. after covering them in chili powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper.. i made a pretty rockandroll snack.. but those are all gone now..
End Product Rating: 5/5 stars

Foodstuff 3) shit i have a lot of pumpkin puree.. lets make pumpkin soup. granted i hated this shit when my mom made it but i'm hungry and the bacon isnt ready (yes.. all the while ive been slow frying bacon..) i won't repeat mysecret recipe here as i am quite drunk and have no idea what went in (besides a splash of bourbon and a shitload of black pepper) it but it had a strange spiciness to it.. very odd.. over all i like it a lot more than that weird orange gunk my mom used to serve
End Product Rating: 3.5/5 stars..

okay.. that bacon just finished cooking and i still got a couple drinks left in this bottle of jim so i think i'll just sit here and relive my sunday pumpkin memories...

i am a patient supervisor

Another homicide free day!
But check out this little love note I was forced to write to my
employee:

I stopped reviewing this at page five because I realized that most of the changes that we discussed during our last support meeting are not reflected in the document and I wasn't about to rewrite the FAQ. Please go through this again, reviewing the changes I've made through page five. After that, please go through the entire document with the notes you took from the meeting and make sure that changes that were agreed to are contained within this document.

mining for olfactory pleasure

I just ate 3 reesesticks and a bag of chips ahoy rainbow mini cookies.
Then I picked my nose.
It actually was a pretty good experience. It smelled WONDERFUL.
I highly suggest it for all.