Buy This CD -- The Provisionals: Digital Lady

So, if i haven't already attacked you with all of my retail prowess, here is a post to tell you about The Provisionals' second (and best) CD: Digital Lady. It really is quite excellent and you should buy it. You can get it on iTunes, but i suggest you buy it through cdBaby so that you can get all the artwork i did for it. Yes, all that beauty you see (or will see when you buy it) was created by me at the request of those very talented California musicians (who i must say, have great taste.)
As i pleaded earlier, buy a copy for yourself, your significant other, your friends, your family and your enemies (think of it as the beginning of your reconciliation.)
You can listen to most of it on either their myspace account or at the cdBaby site.
As a special "gift" for those of you viewing it through here.. here are the originals that were used/cropped/written over by those musical sex gods, The Provisionals' for their second CD: Digital Lady. (If, after listening to this indie masterpiece, you have the desire to sleep with one or all of the band members, let me know, I have an in.)

PS: from their CDbaby site (before they change it..) here is a short description of hte album:

Arguably the worst band around - this barely meets the definition of music.

From New York and California, the members of The Provisionals created a velvetine lounge, turned up their amps and mixed bitter-tart melodies with harmonies, practically in tune. They then brought in sordid, checkered rhythms, and continued to drink Assam tea. Unfettered by tiny earholes, The Provisionals listen to The Walkmen, Elliott Smith, The Flaming Lips, The Zombies, and occasionally each other.

Front


Back


Inside (Behind CD)


Inside Cover


Liner Notes Background (foldout)

Altruism Part 1

So we'll forget about the recent pieces i've given to nishat and call this the first Altruism Work. I'm not totally disappointed by it, but there are a lot of elements i am a bit unhappy with (makes me want to paint something else and not screw up).. anyway.. congratulations kimmie.. enjoy it and get it framed (i'll keep better).

Really should have lightened up that background before i went any further. also, learned an lesson on the importance of sketching and not just saying "I'll figure it out later"


Notice the pinky gets another cm in length by the next picture.


Needed more movement... thus the leeches in the background.. they weren't going to be leeches but apparently that's what the brush wanted


It GLOWS

The finished product.
Don't let this one scare you off, i can paint better than this and just found a box with a full set of cheap acrylics. That being said, first one to comment or email gets the second altruistic work. (I took today off, so it could be done quickly... in theory)

Candidate Songs: Barack Obama

So, i got a little email from Jonah today, announcing how he had written a song for Barack Obama. It's super catchy and he is only charging $20.08 for the MP3 (all donations going to Obama's campaign) and i was inspired! I'll write a song for each of the candidates and only charge $19 a piece.

Well, if i record them.

So.. anyway, here is the first song. it's about a candidate that i am personally supporting (assuming Gravell doesn't get the nomination). Enjoy it.

Obamania

Rhythm (in 6/8)
(note, html reads multiple spaces as a single space... so you cannot see where the chords should go.. well it's easy.. for the C# lines, the last three syllables get the chords)
A(on 1) G(on 4)
1+ + + 4+ + +
C(on 1) D(on 4)
1+ + + 4+ + +

A(on 1)
1+ + + 4+ + +
C#(on 1) G#(on 4) A(on 5+) B(on 6+)
1+ + + 4+ + +

A G
C D

A G
C D

A
In 96 he made his debut
C# G# A B
this guy cares about the issues
A
oh, you know it is so true
C# G# A B
and he's a master of kung-fu

A
If you don't vote for Barack
C# G# A B
You are casting your vote for a Cock
A
be a man, Don't vote with the flock
C# G# A B
he'll clear the streets of all the glocks


A
go ahead and ask your momma
C# G# A B
she'll tell you to vote for obama
A
he gives her a ideological bone-ah
C# G# A B
he plans to help all the social strata

A G
C D

A G
C D

A
you know he asks you to believe
C# G#A B
the middle class deserves a reprieve
A
unlike clinton, he won't deceive
C# G# A B
our economic woes will be allieved

A
he promises to get us out of iraq
C# G# A B
for longterm planning he has a knack
A
lets get this country back on track
C# G# A B
please give us a vote for barack!

(quarter Notes hits)
A
obama
G
mitzvah
C
samba
C#
vodka
D
vulva
{rest}

C# G# A B
All great things, vote for obama

A G
C D

C D

I'm feeling altruistic

so my friends... I'm sitting here drunk again, watching west wing and chumby and I saw one of my most recent paintings I gave to nishst for x-mas... And I thought, shit. I should paint more. So... First one to comment or text me gets a new hand painted paint by the oh so sexy m
ps... I'll pay shipping

halftime penises and football pools

so the giants just won. and my BAC isn't even over .10...
in an attempt to get a respectable level, mau and i attempted a little football pool... a normal grid was created and randomly divided up between the two of us. by quarters, the rules were as follows:
Q1: 1 drink (matt won) (BAC: m:0.05 mau:0.14)
Q2: 2 drinks (mau won) (BAC: m:0.06 mau:0.00)
Q3: 1 drink (mau won) (BAC: m:0.05 mau: 0.03)
Q4: 3 drinks (mau won) (BAC: m:0.08 mau: 0.00)
with a bonus of one drink to the opposing player if the right digit of your BAC equaled the ones digit of either of the teams at the end of the quarter...

Btw.. did anyone notice the giant lit up phallus during the halftime show? or am i just a disturbed little boy

Update: Postgame BAC for m=0.15

World of What?

Let me prefaced this with the statement that i don't judge you. World
of Warcraft is a fine hobby that in no way causes me to judge you,
your physique or your slightly stank breath. I'd go as far to say as
it is quite a bit healthier, physically and socially than drinking on
your couch alone. (Yes! I admit it)

That being said, i am now in about the fourth hour of a series of
conversations around my cube (note: not in it or involving me)
relating to individuals trials and tribulations in a MMORPG that
apparently "[has] the power to make men cry like beaten orphans."* I
now know all about a quest where you are spawned into an area with
thousands of 162s(?) and badass orcs that seem to between you and a
trinket. what does the trinket do? i don't konw.. something about
transporting you back to a village. ("Oh that's all" "Yeah, man. But
you don't understand, it can transport me there from anywhere" "well i
guess you go in and battle a lot more than me, you know a whole bunch
of in and out action"(!)) My point being that my brain is already
dangerously overcrowded. Over the last couple days i've begun to have
a very real concern that i have an inoperable brain tumor that is
preventing me from either learning anything new or focusing on a
though for more than a heartbeat. Please do not shove your azeroth
laden stories into the fragile bit of cheesesponge that i use to
create coherent sentences.

Jesus, SHUT UP already... your stories about hunting yeti skins are
not interesting... not like my winding stories of sitting on a futon
watching tv and drinking... oh wait. shit.

*i do not in anyway endorse the beating of orphans.

Choose your Vacation with Style!

So my last department requires each employee to pick their year's vacation days on January 2nd. If you don't have kids with set vacations or set plans to getaway then you may as well choose your vacation days randomly. Well, mau mentioned this to me so i wrote a little spreadsheet to do just this. I can't post files on this blog for download (i don't think) so if you want it, let me know! (i have it in excel and open office formats (i suggest open office))

Go nerds

so I've decided

I want to be an eccentric... As I watch the the Royal Tanenbaughs (or how ever the fuck it is spelled) I've decided that being an eccentric is the best course of action for a soul like myself.
That is all. Good night y'allr

thing never to do... Part 1

brush your teeth and utilizes a q-tip simultaneously. Ow.

oh yeah, i was sexy

so if you weren't part of the debate, i had a mustache for exactly 5 hours and had a small vote on whether i should keep it.
The end vote was six to one for keeping it. Unfortunatly, i am sleeping with the nay vote.
So, i'm clean shaven now and not nearly as sexy.

i want to make chumbolotl better

So, for those of you that haven't heard, I bought (and received) a brand new "latte" chumby!
If you don't know what a chumby is you can either go to the Chumby Story or just read the next sentence:

The Chumby is a cute always-on internet device that plays flash widgets that provide various useful pieces of information.

Yes, it was a run on sentence, but i realized that i had more than one sentence worth of information. Anyway...
One of the coolest (arguably the coolest) thing about chumby is that it is a completely open platform.

• Anyone can make a widget and upload it for public consumption
• they provide the hardware schematics for any hardware changes you want to make
  • something about a daughterboard
• Besides creating just the widgets the OS is linux based and completely hackable

As you can tell, i am more of a repeater than an understander.
Anyway...
So i have a copy of the Adobe Flash development suite and some free time (not really, but i'll make it) and want to make some shit for my little Chumbolotl...

Any Ideas?

not new year's resolutions

i just wanted to point out that the self-betterment that i am attempting to start (again) is not a result of new year's resolutions. these are simply the DST resolutions that i'm attempting to restart.
so blah.
today i exercised for 45 minutes, only had 2 cigarettes and had a gyro for lunch and 1/4 lbs of turkey for dinner.
Now i am writing something online.
not bad m, not bad.

* as an update, i now have 3 basses in the house and have added a harmonica and an accordion**.

** mau has hidden the accordian

First Time In a Long Time

So, in lieu of getting overly drunk during daylight hours today, i painted a picture.
It's obviously been a while since i've tried to use a brush for anything other than snow removal but i'm not completely disappointed with the results.
Maybe i'll start painting with some consistency again.
or maybe i'll just continue to get drunk during daylight hours.

My First Funeral

My grandmother died this last friday. It was sad.
On the upside, she was beautiful and hopefully some of those genes are latent in me, to be passed to my children

The Spark that Bled

So i came home today, only to be told that i may have been stabbed in the skull. I was at work, in a class, frustrated with the stupidity of those around me and I have no idea what happened to me.

No, Thank you Flaming Lips


I accidentally touched my head
And noticed that I had been bleeding
For how long I didn’t know
What was this, I thought, that struck me?
What kind of weapons have they got?
The softest bullet ever shot

I stood up and I said, yeah!
I stood up and I said, yeah!
I stood up and I said, hey! Yeah!

From this moment on
Blaring like a trumpet
Coming from above us and somewhere below
The confidence of knowing
Descending to relieve us of the struggle
To believe it’s so

I stood up and I said, yeah!
I spoke up and I said, hey!
I stood up and I said, hey! Yeah!

And it seemed to cause a chain reaction
It had momentum, it was gaining traction
It was all the rage, it was all the fashion
The outreached hands had resigned themselves
To holding onto something that they never had
And that’s too bad
'Cause in reality there was no reaction

I accidentally touched my head
And noticed that I had been bleeding
For how long I didn’t know

Buying a 36 Year Old Car (and driving it across the country) -- thurs night - fri morning

So, if I hadn't told you in the last week or so, I've been talking to a guy I found on ZCar.com and finally agreed to buy his 1971 Datsun 240Z. Within a week i had bought a one way ticket to Phoenix, AZ and was unable to sleep from nervous anticipation.

Next thing I knew I was having a couple bourbons on the plane and i realized i was actually on my way. I met up with Kimmie at the Airport and our friend Sophie and her boyfriend Scott picked us up and brought us to their place for the night. (Fact of the night from these archeologists: You can tell burrned bone from charcol because bone sticks to your tongue.)



I'm only telling this part of the story because it is releavant to me getting pulled over later. So, the day before i left i attempted to get the car added to my insurance. Well, the website didnt' have any cars before 1981 on it, so i had to call them to get it added. Basically, my insurance guy said that he couldn't give me any proof of insurance because it took a while for it to get into the system. The morning after we arrived in phoenix, i checked the insurance website and found they had put a datsun on my insurance! Hurray! Wait.. a 1981 Datsun 280ZX with a VIN number totally unlike what i had repeated twice to the guy on the phone the day before. FUCK.

So, i called the company and found out that because they didn't have the car in the system, they put in a temporary car and vin number.. thanks esurance, that helps. So, my new favorite insurance woman tells me that i can get a "letter of experience." basically its proof of insurance if you don't have the card. an hour later on hold at the local office max they had faxed me it. (did you know that it is not legal for them to email you it? it's because it's too easy to edit them. yeah... because a fax is so much harder to modify. i hate them.

The next post will be on the actual purchasing of the Z and the first couple days drive.

What You Don't Want Your Tattoo Artist to Say:

"Oh Fuck"

Guess who got to hear that?

me.

This is about an hour into my most recent tattoo.

Fearing the worst, i said nothing and didn't look down.

Tattoo Guy: "Shit, shit, shit. I never do this... How badly did you want the triangles to look like how you drew them?"

me: "..."

Tattoo Guy: "I never do this... some of these loopy designs though..."

me: "..."

Tattoo Guy: "Don't worry, we can make it work..."

The end of the story is a happy one, he filled in the triangles with a inner halo (as he described it) and i do like the look of it... but i still don't want to hear the guy putting permanent ink into my dermis say "Oh Fuck..." ever again.

about m:

Camper 0
Codename: Trogdor
I initially thought that writing my own bio would be a challenge. But then i realized.. "Who knows how great I am better than me? (and who uses the appropriate number of parentheses)" Well, I am the guy that put this together. I am the one with the ability to bring together such a diverse group of societal miscreants for the common cause of getting wasted in the outdoors. Hailing from the Bay Area originally, I grew up in Upstate NY (practically Wilderness Camping in its own right) and soon learned that without the ability to make your own fire, the winters could be very, very cold (frostbite, contrary to public opinion, is not pleasant). Known for my inane commentary and ability to take a vicious head butt, I am the guy you want on your side after a fight begins (but likely got you in the fight in the first place). Keep your cigarettes and your liquor away from me... I've been known to lash out when either are lacking.
Drink: Bourbon (the cheap kind) and homebrews (the free kind)

one more bio

Camper 13
Codename: Clusteruck
The real question with this camper is what is he not known for? Well, that and his unabashed sensuality. How much sensuality, you may ask. Well so much that you, my poor little nugget, can only handle one day with this little ball of fun. What makes him so overwhelming for the uninitiated masses? Glad you asked. He can ruck over the average girl scout troop without either a blink or a even a flesh wound to his sense of guilt Without a thought of self preservation, he will light an empty cardboard case of beer atop his head and run around a bone dry forest giggling manically? Is this not enough to convince you? Well, show up, drink up and he'll show you why he is loved and feared simultaneously by all who dare to bask in his presence.
Drink: Yuengling Premium (from a used cleat)

Another Couple Bios

Camper 11
Codename: Purple Onesie
Mixing the art of bodybuilding with fine art, Purple Onesie works in a medium you can only dream of. Don't be confused by his steely eyes or ability to bench a volvo, all purple Onesie really wants is a boyfriend to tenderly place a sweater upon his shoulders when it gets too cold. Although he may be one of the less experienced campers on this journey, he is also one of the few that can run down a wild boar and put it in a suplex. When we run low on food, you'll thank him for this skill.
Drink: Vodka and Soda

Camper 12
Codename: The Bear
Born in the mountains of west Tennessee, The Bear, never saw a sandwich or a pair of scissors until he was 25. Since then, he has been more than making up for lost time, cutting sandwiches in half almost daily. This will be his primary role on our expedition, so if you have a tough roast beef on ciabatta, just bring it to him. He'll know what to do. Also, he has tunneling and demolitions experience par excellence!
Drink: The Blood of his Enemies