isms are bad!(?)

i have so many weird experiences and random thoughts (that i find funny) running through my highwire mind right now that this post is fed from the get go...
a quick note on fed
so ive been exchanging emails with geographically diverse friends frequently at work recently.. (i know.. they dont pay me for that.. but in reality, anything i do there im pretty sure they own the rights to... and if they sold it as a sitcom or sketch show im sure the profits would outvalue my meager wages) and as we all are at work we try and refrain from my one in five word exclamation: fuck (or any derivative of the beauty).. thus our emails are chock full of
fed
fing
motherfer
and ffffff (as pastey points out.. not a hex color [white i think, right?[)
any way back to the fed post.. (maybe these thoughts will stay in my head for a longer period than normal (ie 20 mins) and i can actually have something to say for a few days in a row...) so ill ignore the random thoughts like blog voyeurism and falling in love with a person shearly through their posts and ignore the weirder moments like exgirlfriends stopping by with their new boyfriend who very well may be a serial killer, or seeing my boss loaded at a baseballgame and him offering to go pick up some chicks for me and braincube {shudder!} and get to my night of last night which actually has something to do with the post title..
so my roommate calls me in the afternoon yesterday...
Setting: Walking down the Walnut Drunk at about 3... still wearing clothes from the night before,(that were slept in) unshowered unshaved reeking of beer...
{phone rings}
m-helloooo, whaddfuckyouwan?
ale- matt?
m-HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ale, waddup?
a-hey you want to go to dinner tonight?
m-dinnerfooddinner?
a-yeah, its free! my boss gave me two tix cause she couldnt go
m-freedinner?
a-yes Matthew.
m-wat timeEe?
a 5:30, 17th and arch..
m-okie dokie bitchie!

setting 5:50 17th and arch... me, shaven showered, more sober..
m-hey you guys!!! (chunkesque)
a-its just me here.
m-nevermind
a-so matt... (doe eyes)
m-. . .
a-now this is because you didnt ask...
m-{removed cigarette from pack}
a-but this dinner is for an organization called "women's way"
m-{springloaded lighter flys from my wrist, instantaneously lighting my cigarette and nicotine floods by bloodstream.}
a-it wont be that bad and i owe you
m-(nico nico nicotine tine nico nico nico tinetine)
a-and its $90 a plate and you dont have to pay.
m-{evaluation of feminists' racks begins}

ok.. so i wasn't so crass as to lable what i was doing as "evaluating racks" but when you are one of 10 men in a group of 1300 women and have very little to say to anyone around you you observe the environment... plus just the inherent humor of mentally objectifying women in a womyn power demonstration is just so... funny...
alas.. it was a great presentation... soo many passionate, eloquent people... i did enjoy it and got a lot out of it...

but... here is my feeling... although i appreciate what their goals were and (once again) their passion for equality, in reality they were attempting to give special opportunities to a singular group. I dislike that in theory although i am not so naive as to believe that it's not something (unfortunately) necessary in our current society. if i was part of any minority (are agnostic jew catholics a minority? prolly not, as all jew catholics are prolly agnostic) i would HATE the perception (or action) of special treatment or being favored simply because of my membership in a group whose only prerequisite is ovaries or pigmentation. i want to feel that i got somewhere or something purely on my own merits.. and i would HATE almost as much others perception (real or imagined) that i arrived in my situation for reasons other than my merit. i truely believe everyone would be more equal if we didnt actively favor a group to assure they're equal. Arg. but i'm on the outside looking in, i dont pretend to know what it is like and i dont find fault in the people themselves, just my interpretation of the whole societal influence that these things cause...
side note: when i was first hired fulltime, my boss went through 7 months of red tape and moving other staff around so the had room to hire a white male (even though i had interned with them for 2 years, everyone wanted me to work there [bad] and i brought skills to the company that they were unable to find elsewhere).. yeah.. everynow and again it sucks to lack pigment and have a dick..